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(no subject)

Nov. 23rd, 2008 | 03:40 am

I was really close to leaving this journal behind. Abandoning ship.
But that's been my life for so long, and I don't want that anymore.


But, from this point on, all posts will be friends only.
Comment to be added.

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(no subject)

Nov. 20th, 2008 | 11:12 pm
mood: weirdweird
music: Spoon - revenge

jodiii (11:09:59 PM): um
jodiii (11:10:04 PM): she said she was sick of the tension
jodiii (11:10:06 PM): and stuff
jodiii (11:10:20 PM): but she doesn't want to be as close because things are different and she doesn't want bad stuff to happen again
jodiii (11:10:28 PM): so she's playing it safe
jodiii (11:10:48 PM): why do you get that vibe?
playitagainrandi (11:11:30 PM): what vibe? haha the acquaintance sort of vibe? or the friend vibe? because i'm getting both and it's weird. acquaintance vibe because of what she said at first. friend vibe because we were basically talking all day like we use to
jodiii (11:12:16 PM): weird
playitagainrandi (11:12:51 PM): like i said, it's not going to make or break me. she has her life. i have mine. and things happen. mhm.

jenelle's "playing it safe"
she has her life, i have mine
still, it's a little disappointing
life goes on
always does

Note To Self:

don't get your hopes up

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(no subject)

Nov. 18th, 2008 | 02:39 am
mood: contentcontent
music: The Rolling Stones - ruby tuesday

heavydamage18 (2:36:18 AM): when we die we'll float in space together forever, just like we have been all along


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(no subject)

Nov. 16th, 2008 | 01:10 pm
mood: sleepysleepy
music: Cloud Cult - chemicals collide

I was up until 5:30 am talking to Nate. I guess he really misses me, which is nice, but completely unexpected. We talked about his horrible roommate, sex, and some cute stuff.

He asked if I had a journal. I told him that I did, but I wasn't going to let him read it. He demanded that I give him my journal information so he could find it. I knew he wouldn't stop nagging me, so I just gave it to him.


He read the entire journal. I explained why I've been thinking Michael so much lately. He told me that I need to stop "obsessing" about him, that it's completely insane that I'm still stuck on him a year after the break-up.

He was right about the fact that I really should be over it. However, I don't think about Michael the same way I use to. It's not "obsessing", but Nate's not in my head. He doesn't know what I'm thinking, and I don't know how to explain what I feel to him. So I'm quiet, and he judges me by what he sees, which is totally reasonable, but in a way it's not fair to me.

I just feel like I'm not receiving any credit for what I've accomplished.

Anyway, I guess it's time to put Michael to rest.

Dear Michael,

I put the story together in my head so that everything was perfect, because that's how I wanted to remember you. The truth is that we both messed up pretty badly, and you ended up walking away without a scratch on you. It wasn't glamorous. You weren't glamorous.

I'm done waiting for you. You're not coming back, and I'm not sure I want you to anymore.

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(no subject)

Nov. 15th, 2008 | 02:37 pm
mood: angryangry
music: Bright Eyes - haligh, haligh, a lie, haligh

Oh hello, plans!

Wait, what?


Goodbye, plans...

People are thoughtless, unreliable fucks. That's all there is to it.

Nate and I were talking about an hour ago.
He said he has thanksgiving break in two weeks. He'll have a whole week off.
He said we could work on our problems then.
I suppose that works.
I hope it's not too late.

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(no subject)

Nov. 13th, 2008 | 03:04 pm
mood: cheerfulcheerful
music: Santogold - les artistes

I've met someone that makes me feel seasick



Maybe it's time to move on
Time to cut our losses and walk away

Regardless, I've met someone that makes me feel seasick

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(no subject)

Nov. 13th, 2008 | 01:37 am
mood: sleepysleepy
music: Bon Iver - skinny love

There was no reply from Michael.

Note to self:

Never get your hopes up again.

I guess this weekend I'm going to be heading to Logan's house. It will be me, Logan, Sean, and Jazz. It will be great. It will be great. It will be great. It has to be.

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(no subject)

Nov. 11th, 2008 | 10:05 pm
mood: curiouscurious
music: Oh No! Oh My! - i have no sister

So we're taking a break
A very necessary break

I just have to remember that it really is necessary and that there's meaning to it.

I've been thinking about calling Michael
We haven't spoken to each other in so long
But I want to talk to him
I want a fun conversation

Maybe I'll just contact him over the computer

You never know what could happen

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(no subject)

Nov. 11th, 2008 | 07:37 pm
mood: stressedstressed
music: Wolf Parade - sons and daughters of hungry ghosts

He's not willing to bend or make changes.

"I've already told you, I'm calling you more! We're talking more!"
"Nate, we don't really hold a conversation. You don't contribute."
"Well this is how I talk and I'm okay with how things are."

I've been bending for the past 14 months.
It's only a matter of time before I finally break.

I love him I love him I love him.
But things have changed. We're not who we once were. We never will be.
I've exhausted every possibility
I've done my part.
I don't know if I have it in me, anymore.

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(no subject)

Nov. 10th, 2008 | 04:04 pm
mood: contentcontent
music: Dear and the Headlights - run in the front

Christmas list!Collapse )

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